


Out On The Moors The Magicians Do Kiss Under The Raven King's Moon In Winter

by Slow_Burn_Sally



Category: Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell & Related Fandoms, Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell (TV)
Genre: Crack, I'm Sorry Mrs. Clarke For What I've Done, M/M, Rated M For .... Mentions Of Sex Things?, This is just crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 23:01:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29000355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slow_Burn_Sally/pseuds/Slow_Burn_Sally
Summary: This was not beta read. No one should actually read this.
Relationships: John Childermass/John Segundus
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8





	Out On The Moors The Magicians Do Kiss Under The Raven King's Moon In Winter

**Author's Note:**

> This was not beta read. No one should actually read this.

John Segundus, headmaster of Starecross School, sat in his chair by his writing desk and looked forlornly out the window. Why did he look forlornly? Well, it was 1818, it was always cold, and he was a 50 year old virgin, so there was plenty to be forlorn about, thank you very much.

He looked out the window onto the moors. Ah the moors. So windswept. So covered with… sage and lavender and other romantic plants. Often they were covered in snow. But not today. Today it was just plants, and wind, and whispers of times gone by and such. Segundus contemplated the moors a lot. Especially when lonely and horny. And he was often both.

He was a smol, slight, pale, delicate, short, tiny, slender, dark eyed, dark haired man of middling years, as well as a magician. Has it been mentioned that magic makes Segundus feel ill? Well it absolutely does. But also, he loved magic. More than anything. Well…. More than _almost_ anything.

He watched as a familiar, dark figure rode into the courtyard of Starecross Hall on a familiar, ugly horse. Why, it was John Childermass! Mysterious, dark, cynical, Childermass, with his dark, ragged hair and his twisted face and his one sided smile, and his way of always laughing at people without actually laughing at them. Him and his French cards and his big hat, always sauntering about, distracting John Segundus with his dark sex appeal. 

Not that Segundus was (God forbid!) _attracted_ to Childermass! Heaven’s no! They were both _men_ , and Jesus, and God and Mary and Joseph and the entire church of England, and society, _and_ the law said it wasn’t right for John Segundus to want John Childermass to ream him from now, into next Sunday. And so it was definitely _not attraction_ he was feeling. More like an academic sort of appreciation. The kind of academic appreciation where you fantasize relentlessly about touching the object of your academic appreciation’s penis. 

Also, kissing. John Segundus daydreamed quite a bit about John Childermass’ mouth, and putting his own mouth against Childermass’ mouth. In an academic, not at all perverted, preverted or unnatural way of course. He also thought, in a very platonic manner, of carding his fingers gently through Childermass’ ragged, thunder coloured hair and maybe spooning a bit. But NOT ROMANTICALLY _OR_ SEXUALLY, for that would be _wrong._ No, this would just be two fellow magicians, spooning and kissing in an academic fashion.

Segundus watched hungrily (but platonically) as Childermass dismounted and led his big, ugly horse toward the stables. He was always so nervous when Childermass visited. So nervous that he almost didn’t notice that Vinculus had come with him. 

He rushed downstairs to greet his guests. It was winter break and so there were no students at Starecross Hall. Only him and some servants, Charles, a random cook and a random maid. Maybe Mrs. Lennox and Mrs. Blake would visit later, but for right now, they basically had the place to themselves. 

Childermass came in, looking all weary and weather worn and wind swept. Vinculus barely said hello before he stumbled off to the kitchens to start eating food and drinking alcohol. This left Segundus and Childermass alone. Which was fine. Totally not awkward. No sexual tension. Segundus offered Childermass some tea. Childermass said yes, he’d like some tea. They sat and drank tea and talked. 

They had developed a friendship over the past year, and it had bloomed and flourished and grown and had become warmer and deeper and wetter and hotter- You know what? Perhaps Segundus should keep away from thoughts of their friendship for the moment. Anyway. They chatted amiably about magic and stuff while they had their tea. Segundus tried not to (platonically) stare at Childermass’ hands and mouth while he was speaking. 

After tea (which also involved bread and butter and maybe some mutton and some pudding of some sort), they decided to retire to the library to work on magic spells and stand too close to each other and brush hands by accident. 

Later that night, The three of them met for supper (Or was it dinner? Or was it actual tea? Hard to tell, because this is England, in the early 19th century and there’s like sixteen different meal times). Segundus drank some wine and felt his cheeks get all rosy as he talked with Childermass. Vinculus gnawed on a chicken leg and got drunk and said vaguely prophetic things. At one point, he remarked on how close Segundus was sitting to Childermass and Segundus blushed. Then his cheeks grew hot. Then he flushed. Then he grew pink. Then he blushed some more. He moved away from Childermass, because he was so embarrassed to be caught getting too close to ANOTHER MAN (which we’ve mentioned, is just flat out wrong!).

After dinner, (or supper or whatever), they went back to the library, where Childermass told Segundus about his travels with Vinculus, and how irritating Vinculus was, and how after even 11 months of studying the man’s skin, he’d only managed to translate one small corner of his elbow. (It had a recipe for soup upon it). He showed- I mean _shewed_ Segundus his notes on the soup recipe and Segundus frowned a bit and told Childermass he thought maybe it was an allegory for something Raven King-esque. They both fan boyed hard about the Raven King for a little and then decided it was time for bed. 

There were so many empty bedrooms in Starecross Hall that Vinculus and Childermass didn’t have to sleep in the same bed! Which was great. Childermass got the bedroom right next to Segundus’. They said their goodnights, and Segundus tried not to let Childermass' low, rumbly voice make him feel horny, but it did anyway. 

Segundus got under his covers and blew out his candle, and tried to get to sleep. But alas! He was so lonely and cold and horny that he just couldn’t drop off! He kept rolling around in bed, trying to find a comfortable position for his massive boner, but it just wouldn’t fit anywhere. It needed somewhere warm for him to put it, and this naturally made him think of Childermass. Oh _Childermass_. Even though Segundus knew it was wrong and bad and really gay, he couldn’t stop thinking of what it would be like if he and Childermass pressed their bodies together and did sex things. Not that Segundus knew what that would feel like. He was after all a virgin, and very shy. But he really wanted to get the opportunity to find out. 

He finally ended up casting a spell to stop his horniness and put himself to sleep. It didn’t seem to be working, because he still had a stiffy and was even more wide awake than before! Then came a knock upon his door! This was unexpected! So, throwing on a robe to cover his boner, he went and answered it. It was Childermass! He told Segundus he sensed magic being done somewhere nearby and then his private member had gotten all stiff and he wondered if maybe Segundus had had something to do with the magic?

Oh my! Segundus blushed. Really hard. He blushed and blushed and found he could not look at Childermass’ face because he was so embarrassed. His spell must have gone wrong and given Childermass a massive boner instead of making Segundus’ own boner go away! 

He confessed to Childermass that he’d been really lonely and horny and had tried to cast a spell to make his boner go away. But instead it appeared to have backfired and had given Childermass a boner as well. He was really embarrassed and he blushed some more, and apologized profusely and then blushed a bit more on top of that. 

Childermass though, surprised him by telling him that while yes, he thinks the spell backfired and gave Childermass a boner instead of taking Segundus’ boner away, that this was just one in a long string of boners he’d been having for Segundus over the past year now. 

Segundus raised gleaming, shining, shimmering, hopeful eyes to look at Childermass’ smoldering, dark, intense eyes and asked (his lip trembling) if this was really true? Did Childermass really desire Segundus? Even though they were both men and it was wrong and Segundus was just a smol, slight, pale, shy bachelor of middling years? 

And Childermass nodded and said yes, it was true. He wanted to bone Segundus. And more than that! He might feel feelings that went beyond mere boning and reaming and sucking, but that his heart might want to bone Segundus’ heart as well. 

Oh my! Segundus felt weak in the knees. He felt Childermass’ rough, calloused, ink stained hands come up and frame his face and then Childermass leaned down and kissed him. It felt amazing, and Segundus made some noises. And Childermass made some noises. And then they got in bed and did all kinds of sex type stuff. Childermass kissed Segundus all over his body and put fingers in places where Segundus had only ever dreamed fingers could go, and Segundus kissed Childermass and licked his nipples and there was a lot of sucking and moaning and gripping of sheets. 

Afterward, they lay in each other’s arms and talked about magic and how they’d probably have to keep this whole thing on the down low so as not to get jailed or executed, which wasn’t exactly romantic, but it was 1818, and these things just need to get talked about. After the “pretend there’s no-homo” talk, Childermass said he loved Segundus, and Segundus blushed some more and said he loved Childermass back. Outside, the wind blew softly through the plants on the moor and you could hear a raven caw in the distance.

The end.


End file.
